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I will create a monster
It is time.
I have to create my monster.
Although to be honest I'm terrified. One wrong snip and the whole dream is ruined.
I have just one shot at this, one big sheet of latex and no prospect of replacement.
Cut it out wrong and it's over.
I fold up the ping pong table and sweep the concrete floor. It's freezing in the old shed. Why can't Comic Relief be in the Summer?
FourDRubber have come up trumps. Just looking at the sheet I can see there is enough to make the cushion once, but once only. I can't afford to make a mistake.
I go back to basics and remeasure the original whoopee cushion, even scan it so that I can make a pattern exactly to scale as demanded by the Guinness Book of Records.
It takes a while to draw out the pattern, using a jigsaw of scaled scans to create the sphincter correctly. Once it's done I have to sit down for a nice cup to coffee.
I can't bring myself to pick up the scissors immediately. Have I got it right?
Three steaming cups of mocha later I'm on my knees slowly snipping through the soft silky latex. It cuts beautifully and before I know it I am looking at two enormous whoopee cushion shapes resembling the fresh skins of a giant jelly fish.
I lay one on top of the other and they glide over each other as if powered by a tiny hovercraft engine, trapped air and talc forming the interface. It is easy for one person to manoeuvre the second skin on the first even though it is almost 2 meters wide and as floppy as a balloon.
Gluing next and experience has taught me a few tricks with this as the seam is the weakest part of the structure. It takes bloomin' ages to do and frankly I think the solvent fumes were starting to get to me at the end. Don't do this at home kids.
To make the strongest bond the glue must be allowed to cure overnight. I silently close and lock the shed door leaving my flat cushion lying breathless on the concrete shed floor. Tomorrow would be the real test.
It wasn't until later in bed I remembered I had forgotten to measure the width.
I have to create my monster.
Although to be honest I'm terrified. One wrong snip and the whole dream is ruined.
I have just one shot at this, one big sheet of latex and no prospect of replacement.
Cut it out wrong and it's over.
I fold up the ping pong table and sweep the concrete floor. It's freezing in the old shed. Why can't Comic Relief be in the Summer?
FourDRubber have come up trumps. Just looking at the sheet I can see there is enough to make the cushion once, but once only. I can't afford to make a mistake.
I go back to basics and remeasure the original whoopee cushion, even scan it so that I can make a pattern exactly to scale as demanded by the Guinness Book of Records.
It takes a while to draw out the pattern, using a jigsaw of scaled scans to create the sphincter correctly. Once it's done I have to sit down for a nice cup to coffee.
I can't bring myself to pick up the scissors immediately. Have I got it right?
Three steaming cups of mocha later I'm on my knees slowly snipping through the soft silky latex. It cuts beautifully and before I know it I am looking at two enormous whoopee cushion shapes resembling the fresh skins of a giant jelly fish.
I lay one on top of the other and they glide over each other as if powered by a tiny hovercraft engine, trapped air and talc forming the interface. It is easy for one person to manoeuvre the second skin on the first even though it is almost 2 meters wide and as floppy as a balloon.
Gluing next and experience has taught me a few tricks with this as the seam is the weakest part of the structure. It takes bloomin' ages to do and frankly I think the solvent fumes were starting to get to me at the end. Don't do this at home kids.
To make the strongest bond the glue must be allowed to cure overnight. I silently close and lock the shed door leaving my flat cushion lying breathless on the concrete shed floor. Tomorrow would be the real test.
It wasn't until later in bed I remembered I had forgotten to measure the width.
1 Comments:
Playing with a monster in bed... The Adonis boys being a little put out buy your claims of size and shape would like to sit on your monster and hide it from view x
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